loss

Feeling Empty

James 4:14 - “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

Your life is a Mist. A VAPOR.  How is God calling you to PURPOSE?

My number is 282.  My number is not better or worse than yours.  It’s just different.

My number does not save me.  It does not make me more holy.  It is not my boasting right or claim to fame.

My number is simply a demonstration of my Life-Purpose. 

Two days. It’s been two days since I’ve lived with an emptiness.

I have been alive for 536 months. I have spent over half my life, 282 months to be exact, pregnant or nursing.  In the last 336 months, I have been privileged to carry and nurture life 282 of those months.

Two days ago, our sweet little blessing, went home to be with Jesus. To us, our children are so much more than a number but if you are counting, Jesus called our 13th blessing home. 

I was hopeful and joyful to share after our first ultrasound this past week at ten weeks, that we were so humbled and blessed to welcome life once again.  Instead, the peek into my womb revealed the handiwork of the creator God who called our little one home early. And then I realized, nothing has changed!  For ten joyful weeks, the Bryant family was once again privileged to welcome and celebrate LIFE! 

Two days.  It has been two days since I have not nurtured or nourished a living soul for the past  212 months.

So many would say, you’re crazy!  You finally have some Me Time!  Take that vacation!  Enjoy your own body and space!  And while I welcome the changing of seasons, (after all motherhood is really such a short season of our life), I thankfully embrace the empty ache that I feel so deeply.

You see, my “empty” in the here and now has gifted Heaven another gain.  An eternal soul,  forever living for His glory!  My empty is worth Heaven’s gain any day and every day!

Why am I sharing this?  I can assure you that it is not to toot my own horn!  After all, 282 months have been spent clinging to God’s amazing strength to see me through.

I am simply vulnerably lifting the veil in the life of a mother as to why in the world would she sacrifice so much. To cast a bold vision that our life is but a vapor.  Are we living on purpose?

My Life-Purpose is simple.  It can be summed up in one phrase…to seize every moment of my “everyday” life to value the Eternal. To live for it, sacrifice for it, champion for it , risk for it, cast vision for it, pursue it, love it, grow in it, and die for it. 

What is eternal, you ask?  Nothing but the heart and soul of another. 

Why in the world would someone sacrifice so much for not even the here and now but the things to come? Only one reason…for the sake of the gospel, as a slave to Jesus Christ, I champion His cause, His love, His vision, all for His Glory.

This purpose starts in my own heart and pursues a love relationship with God.  For without it, I certainly lack strength and vision.  My life-purpose includes an all-out pursuit to respect, love and cherish life with this man of my dreams that I am privileged to call mine.  To overflow and value, treasure, teach, disciple, train, love and nurture the little ones in my own home.  This is the foundation needed for outreach, hospitality, service and ministry beyond the walls with which I live. To overflow into a world in desperate need of HOPE. In need of a Savior.  In need of a Purpose.

…I desire nothing more than for you to discover your Life-Purpose and calling. To walk in the peace, joy and freedom that can only be found in a life sold-out for Christ!  One of the Seven-Life Muscles that we need to be strong as we mobilize for His kingdom is to let God uncover our Life-Purpose.  This is my prayer for you!  May you find great purpose and hope in living empty for Heaven’s gain!