Teen Pregnancy

An Unplanned Teen Pregnancy: An Open Letter To My Son 27 Years Later

It's been 27 years and one week since we became a family...you and me.  

Actually, it began long before your Birth-Day. 

A week was needed for the remembering.  Before the writing.  My prayer has always been that your life would be more than just about you or me. Rather a constant retelling of God's Faithfulness in our story.  His Story.  Your very existence shouts of His grace and mercy, even from the very start.  

Hope...that's what I think of when I think of you. 

Hope…I hadn’t felt that in a long time.  Depression and despair had long become my companions.  At just 16 years of age, I had given up on me.  My value shredded to pieces.

Standing in my school office, a phone call to my doctor's office confirmed my suspicion.  Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun. 

The days to come would prove to be hard ones.  Wrong choices were soon made to be known.  Poor influences and pressures moved from my friends to doctors with little value for your life within.  Life that Psalm 139 tells me, God was busy at the knitting and the forming, weaving and the watching.  No, abortion was not an option no matter how easy that would seem.

No matter how you came to be, your life was precious, shouting to a world in need about a Savior and His grace, His blood pouring over my broken promises.  Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun.

And the shame came fierce when my pastor daddy announced my pregnancy to the church, 300 eyes looking into my secrets.  Sure that I would carry my shame to death birthed surprise at something I had never known before...Deliverance. Redemption. Restoration. Grace.

There's something about confession and repentance that is a balm for your soul. 

And I am forever thankful for this moment in time.  If I could have felt you move, I am sure you leaped as high as my heart!  Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun.

High school days came. Fall turned to winter and my 90-pound frame swelled, announcing your life, shouting to a world in need of a Savior and His grace, His blood pouring over my broken promises. 

Delivered from depression, redeemed with a purpose, restored to a life full of value and covered in a saving grace, I was never ashamed of you. Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun.

And it was just after Christmas, on a Texas family vacation, when I felt you knocking. It was as if you were saying, "Hello, mommy. It's me."  I knew you were coming so why was I surprised when I felt you move within? Such a delight. Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun.  

We became a family that day, you and me, announcing to the world of a Savior and His grace, His blood pouring over my broken promises.

The time was upon me. A decision MUST be made. Adoption, the loving choice.  Great with child longing for a flat tummy so that I could fall face down to the ground and beg God for the strength to let you go. 16, much too young to be a mother, or so they said. Choose this day who your mother will be. An earnest prayer that it could be me.  But hope was stirring.  Your life had already begun.

A breakthrough moment when I heard God's voice granting my prayer for the family we'd be. I was yours and you were mine. Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun.

My last school final complete. My body knew. Just three days late, I'd welcome you. The pain was unbearable, not only for my body but my lonely heart. God was my faithful husband when I had none. Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun.

Soon, they promised me.  Soon we'd meet.  Very soon, our bond would be complete.  Hope was stirring. Your life had already begun. Your life announcing the need for a Savior and His grace, His blood pouring over my broken promises.

When all strength was gone, HOPE burst forth for all the world to see. You were here. You belonged with me. Hope had arrived. And I was captivated. You were just perfect in every way.

All alone in the wee hours of the night, our eyes met, your eyes locked on mine. And I couldn't look away.  You were the flesh and blood picture of grace. God's gift to me.  When I had walked away from His covering of protection over my heart, body, mind and soul, He still chose to gift me His very best, forever a reminder of a need for a Savior and His grace, His blood pouring over my broken promises.  We were a family, you and me. 

God went above and beyond and blessed you with the best daddy ever, the perfect fit for you and me. Soon we became a family of three.  God used you to make me a mother.  And I have always loved being your mommy!  

And that was just yesterday. How does 27 years slip away? 

On your 27th birthday, son, there are a few things that I want you to know.  From the very start, your life was used to stir Hope in mine!  God redeemed my broken promises as He kept His.  When God is on your side, you simply cannot fail. Being covered in grace is like always having a cushion ready to soften your fall.  I have never been ashamed of you!  All life is a blessing from the moment of conception.  You were unplanned, but you've always been wanted.  From the very start, God used your life to announce to the world that there is a Savior and His grace saves.  His blood covers over any broken promise and redeems the broken hearted!  Happy Birthday, Son!  You are loved!