Summer of 1991 birthed a new season of discovery for me. The storm that had been raging was quieted. Well, with a newborn babe in our home, I suppose quiet isn’t quite the right word. Perhaps, a calming would be more fitting.
As I settled into my new role as momma, I cherished every moment of my sweet little ones life! So many questions were answered that had haunted me for months. How would everyone react? Could I handle motherhood? Was I being selfish to keep my baby? Most importantly, what must I do to get my heart, my soul, healthy and right?
While I once questioned my value and worth, I was now motivated by something much larger. God used that little man to remind me that it wasn’t healthy to play games with my heart anymore. There was no turning back. There was only one place my heart was safe. One place that always deemed my value high. And that was only found in the safe haven, the fortress of my Savior. (Psalm 62)
Abiding in Christ and his redemptive work in my life as I treasured my summer with my little man, propelled me forward in my restored heart health. All too soon, September came along with my 17th birthday. As only God can, every detail of my senior year of high school fell into place. I was able to finish my final year going only half a day to school while a precious grandma in our church watched over my little boy.
The long days of being a new mother flew by. With one blink, we were planning my graduation, which included not only a graduation party but also a celebration of my little boy’s first birthday. Although life was moving forward, the questions swirling around my heart seemed to never dissipate. I truly believed that with a child, I would be a hard one to love. The enemy reminded me constantly how unworthy I was. My mind accepted this reality but my heart still dreamed of a man’s love that was noble and true.
There were a few lies that had lodged into the deepest corner of my heart. It would take at least two more years before those lies would inhibit my ability to live with freedom.
Fall of 1992 held the best of times and the worst of times. My older sister, my one year old son and I headed out across the country to attend Bible College. I was on fire for the Lord and still riding on the joy of His lavish grace! My new classmates found it hard to believe that God’s grace was sufficient, after all, who goes to Bible college with a baby? It was an unexpected hard season of a new layer of rejection. It was the worst of times.
There was one who stood head and shoulders above the others. A true friend who loved as God loved, not assuming the worst in me but bearing witness to God’s grace covering my soul. It was the Best of times!
My God the redeemer had not only restored my life but was about to restore my heart in ways that would take nearly two years to really accept. God’s love became tangible as my best friend became the hands and feet of my Savior. In the most unexpected way, God restored my heart that there would ever be one who could really love the broken me.
And there I was standing face to face saying “I Do” before hundreds of witnesses. And my beloved carried my little boy in his arms with my hand in his as we set of for “Happily Ever After.” Those early days were precious and a forever happy memory.
In a matter of months, my heart settled and life carried on. I was a new bride and young mother with a bundle of lies locking her heart from freedom faith living. You see, my mind marveled that God could send a true, godly man to love even me. But my heart was guarded, waiting for the day when he too would leave me.
I was shocked at my behavior, dishing out my worst to get the inevitable over. Nothing was intentional or even conscious, but my heart was living from my core. And my core believed that I was too broken , too unattractive to secure the loyalties of a godly man.
I can remember his words as they pierced through the lies that had become my truth. “I will never leave you. Not me. I love you!” I didn’t even realize that I was living from the broken until the Lord used his words to reveal my true core.
And it took a year before my heart began believing that my beloved, with the strength only available in a Heavenly Father, was committed to being on the journey with the broken me. And a true love story was born hidden in the broken, covered in Amazing Grace! God not only redeemed my pregnancy but now restored my love story.
I’m sharing my story over the next week in hopes to bear witness to the goodness of our Lord and to unveil the lies, the broken core of our very heart that hinders our loving. To protect, we push away, too many times without even knowing. Relational connection as far as the east is from the west. We’ve poured our heart into helping each and every individual, every marriage and family walk in the freedom only available in Christ. As God as our builder, we can have a foundation to help a world in need. For more of our story and encouragement for your heart and home, check out the 7LM Gym. Praying over each and every one of you. Let God restore The Truth in your heart today!